The Ultimate Guide to Christmas Shopping as a Guy
Well since Santa has been up on the roof of my local Dillons for a month now, I reckon it's time to start thinking about Christmas. Even as guys everywhere were still full from their Thanksgiving feast, women everywhere were cramming department stores in order to get the best deals. Now I know we've all heard rumors out there that there are guys in these stores the day after Thanksgiving as well, this is of course purely myth. This myth is circulated by women who don't want people to know that they are actually forcing their husbands/boyfriends to go shopping with them, that they really do want to be there which is complete hogwash. Now when and if you actually do get out and go Christmas shopping for someone other than yourself, here are a few guidlines that may well save your life.
- The first thing you see in the store IS a GREAT gift for whomever your shopping for.
- Avoid the rush, skip work or school and go when everybody else is at work or school.
- Don't go shopping with a female unless you have 3 or 4 hours to spare.
- EVERYBODY(except the author) loves fruitcake so go ahead and get a holiday treat for everybody on your list, they will LOVE you for it.
- Watiting til the 23 or 24 of December to do your Christmas shopping is perfectly accecptable, in fact its recommended.
- Avoid Walmart at all costs, it spells certain doom to attempt to enter a Walmart during the Christmas season, not that it doesn't spell doom during other seasons, it's just more certain during the holiday season.
- Pretend to be disabled and maybe you can get a wheelchair to navigate the mall.
- If you run into a disgruntled customer in a store, pretend to be a customer service agent in disguise and make up a elaborate and interesting story explaining why your undercover, say that you are going to go bust the store manager and send him to jail. Then army roll out of the aisle and disapear.
- Tell everyone that in honor of the Christmas you will be acting like Scrooge this year and to expect nothing from you.
- Try and get free stuff by complaining to every store manager about something.
- If you are struggling with Christmas shopping, make up an excuse and get a female to go shopping for you. You may end up giving "cute" gifts to everyone, but at least they will have something right.
- The first thing you see in the store IS a GREAT gift for whomever your shopping for.
- Avoid the rush, skip work or school and go when everybody else is at work or school.
- Don't go shopping with a female unless you have 3 or 4 hours to spare.
- EVERYBODY(except the author) loves fruitcake so go ahead and get a holiday treat for everybody on your list, they will LOVE you for it.
- Watiting til the 23 or 24 of December to do your Christmas shopping is perfectly accecptable, in fact its recommended.
- Avoid Walmart at all costs, it spells certain doom to attempt to enter a Walmart during the Christmas season, not that it doesn't spell doom during other seasons, it's just more certain during the holiday season.
- Pretend to be disabled and maybe you can get a wheelchair to navigate the mall.
- If you run into a disgruntled customer in a store, pretend to be a customer service agent in disguise and make up a elaborate and interesting story explaining why your undercover, say that you are going to go bust the store manager and send him to jail. Then army roll out of the aisle and disapear.
- Tell everyone that in honor of the Christmas you will be acting like Scrooge this year and to expect nothing from you.
- Try and get free stuff by complaining to every store manager about something.
- If you are struggling with Christmas shopping, make up an excuse and get a female to go shopping for you. You may end up giving "cute" gifts to everyone, but at least they will have something right.
posted by Scheev @ 12:20 PM
4 Comments:
At 5:25 PM,
Anonymous said…
As a female, I will argue some of these points...especially the one about Wal-mart. It is the greatest place on earth (besides my bedroom). Where else can you get your oil changed, hair done, eyes checked, feed the kids at MD's, get your grocery shopping done, and find a gift for every single person on your list all at the same place? Sure, it may be crowded, but unlike the mall, you get carts to shop with, you don't have to carry shopping bags from store to store, and you don't waste gas going from Best Buy to Kholes. Wal-mart also has some of the cheapest gifts. You can get anything from electronics to scrapbooking stuff to furniture to clothes. Why spend 3-4 weeks going from place to place looking for gifts on your holiday shopping list when you could spend less than one day at Wal-mart and having the rest of the weeks to wrap them?
At 8:10 PM,
Anonymous said…
Walmart sucks, its full of white trash, plus who the heck are you, nobody cares what you think. and your anonymous so that really discredits you.
At 8:52 PM,
Scheev said…
as long as you dont get robbed, if you get robbed in a walmart you might as well a recliner cause your gonna be there a while, add 3 days to buy the recliner, on about 20 days minimum
At 8:04 PM,
Anonymous said…
Being the only remaining wise man that gave Jesus a gift I say that i will continue to give men everywhere the gift of beard. oh and if i ever go to a walmart, i will roundhouse kick everybody
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